I am quite familiar with Mommy Guilt. She and I have known each other for quite some time now. Our relationship isn’t constant, sometimes we’re out of touch for weeks at a time. Then MG (we have nicknames for each other) shows up and turns my emotional well being on its head.
MG showed up last week. It had been a challenging few weeks at work and E was getting very upset every morning before I left. Naturally that made it harder to leave. I am pretty sure I cried every day on the way to work. I was really upset that I had to leave E. We are fortunate enough to have my grandmother living with us. E hangs out with his great grandma all day while D & I work. I’m not dropping him off to daycare, but it is still really hard. My biggest fear is that I will miss his firsts: first steps, first words, etc.
I tried to convince D to let me quit my job. I’ve tried this technique before when I have been upset about something similar. Obviously it hasn’t worked since I’m still employed. Me being a stay at home mom is not an option. We have a mortgage, bills, and enjoy the lifestyle we live. It’s not extravagant, but we’re aren’t living hand to mouth. It means that we can provide for E and ourselves. It also means that I really treasure the time we get to spend together as a family. We don’t do much on weekends other than hang out together, except for the occasional girls night out or date night. And I’m very okay with that.
Work has gotten better and so has E. MG is out of my life again, but I’m sure I’ll see her sooner than later. I don’t know what will bring her by, but I’ll be prepared for her. I’ll tell her (and myself) that I’m doing what works best for my family. No amount of guilt, from anyone, can take that away from me.
Anyone want to share their experiences with MG?