We All Have Secrets…

This week, during the moms breastfeeding group I help co-lead, we talked about the guilt that some moms feel because they’re unable to do everything around the house. A number of mamas confessed to clean folded laundry that never gets put away, frozen skillet meals, and doing the bare minimum in order to spend time with their kids and/or maintain their sanity. It seems like everyone did something they weren’t particularly proud of in order to get by. In fact, I came up with a list of my own confessions.

    Naya’s Dirty Little Secrets

  • We sometimes often let E watch TV while he eats dinner.
  • E’s room may turn into a guest room because he sleeps in our bed despite having a beautiful convertible crib.
  • PF Chang’s and/or Bertolli’s skillet meals are a weekly staple.
  • I don’t always buy organic fruit, and when I do I get it from a grocery store, not a coop.
  • The love seat in our living room is used to store clean laundry. Some is folded, some isn’t.
  • During fall/winter, we use our CrockPot pretty frequently because we’re too tired to do any real cooking.
  • I frequently give myself a “time out” when I start running out of patience with E. All I need is some peace and quiet without whining.
  • We ate out every night over Labor Day weekend. This is not unusual weekend behavior for us.
  • I still nurse E to sleep. It’s just easier for everyone.
  • We haven’t had company over in months because our house is kind of messy, and we’re okay with that.

Not to blame Pinterest, but who has the time to do all those DIY projects while hanging out with their toddler dressed really nicely with nail art on their perfectly manicured hands? While it has tons of great ideas, I can feel pangs of guilt because I don’t do 99% of the cool toddler activities, fab DIYs, or make the delicious recipes that I pin. I’d rather play with blocks than meticulously cut pipe cleaners or wield a hot glue gun. Truth: I’ve only done 3 pins, and 2 were for hairstyles involving ponytails.

The lesson here is that no mom is perfect, and very few have it together. Most are doing what they can to get through the day. Someone recently told me, “Kids don’t remember a perfectly clean house (or a chevron-striped wall in their living room). They remember spending time with their parents.” Don’t guilt yourself over not finishing items on your to do list. It’s okay if you can’t balance it all. I can’t either. Chances are most of your mom friends are doing the same thing!

Share your dirty little secrets in the comments!

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19 thoughts on “We All Have Secrets…

  1. I keep bumping Layla's age of when 'she' will be comfortable in her crib. At first it was 3 months, then 6, now 9 is looking more ideal. For now, we're all sleeping through the night just fine in our king sized bed.

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  2. Thanks for this Naya, I will be sharing πŸ™‚ My favorite part about your post is that 2 of the 3 pins you've done were for your hair. LOVE it! As long as our kids have US and our attention it doesn't have to be doing a fancy craft. I am all for “time outs” and pins for us. If we take a little extra care of ourselves it goes a long long way and is another {easier for everyone} sort of thing! I bet you rock the pony tail… I could use some help there for sure.

    As for my dirty secret: I live in a 1950 mobile home covered in wood siding, that 8 legged friends and all varieties of stinging buzzers {as my 3 yr. old puts it}call home as well, with peeling white paint, peeling lenoleum, a purple tub and with a single door that doubles as the bathroom door AND the bedroom door of the room my 3 yr. old son & 9 mos. old daughter share. *We are talking funk-y old house* And I, hired a cleaning service 3 weeks ago to come clean one day a week (2 or 3 hours). It finally occured to me that I didn't need to do it. I didn't need to stress myself out about the dirty floors and bathrooms when for $60 a week someone else could do it and I could take the kids to the park. It was the 1st time in nearly 4 years that my entire house was clean all at once. The funk-y part can't be fixed (well, won't be anyway), but I do love a clean house and a part of me was hurting because it wasn't getting done. I choose hanging out with my kids too… it's just way more fun! Here is when I decided to be done with cleaning: http://prettybrasfornursingmoms.com/blog/?p=455, but I can guarantee that this is not the sort of house that one would think someone would hire to clean!

    Sorry for the horrendous run-ons!!! I very much needed a vent today and happened across this post; thanks again Naya.

    PS- We ate out for nearly every meal over Labor Day weekend too!!!! I was wonderful πŸ˜‰

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  3. We eat out once or twice a week, even though I'm a SAHM.

    I just asked a PetSmart employee how to get one of my fish to die faster so that our tank will stay cleaner.

    I really hate cleaning bathrooms, and I don't clean it until my husband gets grossed out and does it. I don't feel guilty about that one, for some reason.

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  4. Thank you Naya. I'm a sahm and can't keep my house clean.

    I argue with my husband constantly over who's job it is to do the dishes.

    And although i try so hard to, the only organization in my house is in my son's room, because it drives me crazy to step on his toys in the middle is the night.

    The support I received the other night by you and everyone else made me feel so much better about myself. I was starting to feel like a bad mom because of my lack of ability to get things done. Ours nice to know the short cuts and my short comings are not really short comings at all. Thank you.

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  5. Thank you Naya. I'm a sahm and can't keep my house clean.

    I argue with my husband constantly over who's job it is to do the dishes.

    And although i try so hard to, the only organization in my house is in my son's room, because it drives me crazy to step on his toys in the middle is the night.

    The support I received the other night by you and everyone else made me feel so much better about myself. I was starting to feel like a bad mom because of my lack of ability to get things done. Ours nice to know the short cuts and my short comings are not really short comings at all. Thank you.

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  6. Jenny, you're so so welcome! Vent away! I keep saying that we're going to hire a housekeeper to come twice a month, but I keep forgetting. Then I see dust and dirty toilets and I swear I'm going to do it next month. Lather, rinse, repeat! I LOVE the craft you posted! So easy to do, and it's way better than cleaning πŸ˜‰ Thanks for reading and for sharing!

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  7. This is a WONDERFUL post and SO true!! I often have “mom guilt” over not feeling creative enough… when really my son just wants “Mama play?” as he asks… and throwing a ball over and over and over gives him SUCH delight! and we were SO into nursing to sleep – it works! And then we could sleep! You go Mama!

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  8. AWESOME BLOG! Totally guilty of either not cooking or cooking way too many frozen options! I vegetarian/gluten free/low dairy…..my husband is not so often it's all about frozen veggies/brown rice and a chicken breast for him….that HE cooks. I also don't get to my floors as often as I like….which is noticeable with two big dogs.

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  9. We cosleep too! Sometimes Indian American Dad asks why he even bothered to assemble the crib. I responded, “So we'd have a place to hang our clothes and towels, silly!”

    But seriously, when you're a work outside the home mom, it is nice to have some added snuggle time with the little one.

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  10. We have to do what works best for our family! It's easy to forget that when we're seeing everyone's “perfect” lives on Facebook. Thanks for stopping by, Elizabeth, and it was wonderful meeting you!

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  11. HA! Best answer to that question ever! I love the snuggles. Won't give them up because others think it's weird. Heck, they can come over at 4am when he wakes up asking for water!

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